People Are Stupid
Very interesting day. I got my ass carjacked. Not the Skyline, but a tuned Mercedes-Benz CLK we had got on a trade-in. No, he didn't get away with the car. Because he was stupid.
He came in for a test drive at the track, and I didn't like the looks of him. So I tossed a GPS in the trunk and took a panic button. We get out to the highway, with my driving, and he turns to me and threatens to "cut me".
Now, I was scared shitless. But 90% of the time I was driving GT, I was scared shitless, too.
First, I told him I was HIV+ (I'm not; condoms rule!). He was trying to figure out whether I was telling the truth or not when I noticed he was not wearing his seatbelt. I elbowed myself in the side a couple of times to get the panic button working (hoping my boss would actually call the cops), and decided that I didn't really want to crash the Mercedes.
I did decide, however, that since this particular Mercedes was capable of 1.0g lateral grip and had a top speed hovering around 210 mph, that I was perfectly cool with tossing that son of a bitch around the inside of the car like salt in a salt shaker.
So I kicked it up to 170 and weaved through traffic. Then we had a conversation.
Carjacker: "Slow down, dammit, I'll fucking cut you."
Me: "Who's gonna drive the car?"
Carjacker: "For fuck's sake, slow down, you're gonna get us killed."
Me: "No, I'm not. Well...you, maybe. Me, I'm wearing my seatbelt, asswipe. Seatbelts save lives."
All the while, I've got "Hand of Blood" by Bullet For My Valentine on the CD player. It's metal, and it's amazing to drive to. I was feeling it.
I slowed it to 100 and started powersliding through turns. 100mph powerslides are really fun, but if you screw up, you die. Once the traffic cleared, I floored the gas and let the seven-speed automatic do its magic. 200mph on the highway! On an American highway! That was done mostly to attract the attention of law enforcement.
And it did. A State Police pursuit car--they use trick Camaros with Z28 bodies and serious badness under the hood--popped out and tried to follow us. Problem is, they top out around 170 or so, so I had to slow down to let the cop catch up. And I had to slow down some more to make sure he didn't kill himself--I can do shit like 200mph because I know how to do it, he might not, really. He nosed up behind me, and my passenger brought the knife all the way out and pointed it at me neck.
So I tapped the brakes and dropped back alongside the trooper, so he could see the knife, and thus know not to shoot me. I jetted away from him again, signalled for and took the next exit, and hooked a hard left. The g-forces pushed the carjacker against the door and caused him to drop the knife. I slammed on the brakes, got the car stopped, and proceeded to use my left hand to grab the keys, unbuckle my seatbelt, and open my door, while using my right hand to punch him in the face as many times as I could. Then I dived out of the car and got clear.
Two black eyes and a broken nose. That's what you get for picking the absolute worst guy to carjack. The cops were nice enough to give me a ride back to do my little statement. Those Camaros are really cramped inside, but they look fun to drive. Especially if you get to use the lights and siren. The cop asked me where I learned to drive like that, and laughed when I told him.
Lisa picked me up at the trooper's barracks. She even surprised me by bringing the Skyline. I didn't think I'd be in a mood to drive again, but...hot damn, I was! Skylines and pretty girls will do that to a guy.
My boss wanted to know only two things: One, was his lead seller okay to come to work tomorrow? Two, was the car okay? The car was fine, I just managed to smoke all the tires off. Not an enormous problem.
In other news, the Skyline now features a bumpin` soundsystem and a GT-style wing. I forgot how much I love downforce. I'm also going to slip on some tasteful carbon-fiber front splitters. I don't want to disrupt the R34's clean lines too much. The soundsystem install is kinda rough...just a box enclosure and concealed wiring. In summer, I'll replace all the interior upholstery, redo the dashboard and all the seats, and do a really nice integrated enclosure to house the subs and the amps, probably featuring either a coating of black-gloss fiberglass or carbon-fiber weave. And I'll remove the rear seats and cover an area back there with smooth black plastic for use as a cargo area.
Goddamn stupid people. I need a beer.
He came in for a test drive at the track, and I didn't like the looks of him. So I tossed a GPS in the trunk and took a panic button. We get out to the highway, with my driving, and he turns to me and threatens to "cut me".
Now, I was scared shitless. But 90% of the time I was driving GT, I was scared shitless, too.
First, I told him I was HIV+ (I'm not; condoms rule!). He was trying to figure out whether I was telling the truth or not when I noticed he was not wearing his seatbelt. I elbowed myself in the side a couple of times to get the panic button working (hoping my boss would actually call the cops), and decided that I didn't really want to crash the Mercedes.
I did decide, however, that since this particular Mercedes was capable of 1.0g lateral grip and had a top speed hovering around 210 mph, that I was perfectly cool with tossing that son of a bitch around the inside of the car like salt in a salt shaker.
So I kicked it up to 170 and weaved through traffic. Then we had a conversation.
Carjacker: "Slow down, dammit, I'll fucking cut you."
Me: "Who's gonna drive the car?"
Carjacker: "For fuck's sake, slow down, you're gonna get us killed."
Me: "No, I'm not. Well...you, maybe. Me, I'm wearing my seatbelt, asswipe. Seatbelts save lives."
All the while, I've got "Hand of Blood" by Bullet For My Valentine on the CD player. It's metal, and it's amazing to drive to. I was feeling it.
I slowed it to 100 and started powersliding through turns. 100mph powerslides are really fun, but if you screw up, you die. Once the traffic cleared, I floored the gas and let the seven-speed automatic do its magic. 200mph on the highway! On an American highway! That was done mostly to attract the attention of law enforcement.
And it did. A State Police pursuit car--they use trick Camaros with Z28 bodies and serious badness under the hood--popped out and tried to follow us. Problem is, they top out around 170 or so, so I had to slow down to let the cop catch up. And I had to slow down some more to make sure he didn't kill himself--I can do shit like 200mph because I know how to do it, he might not, really. He nosed up behind me, and my passenger brought the knife all the way out and pointed it at me neck.
So I tapped the brakes and dropped back alongside the trooper, so he could see the knife, and thus know not to shoot me. I jetted away from him again, signalled for and took the next exit, and hooked a hard left. The g-forces pushed the carjacker against the door and caused him to drop the knife. I slammed on the brakes, got the car stopped, and proceeded to use my left hand to grab the keys, unbuckle my seatbelt, and open my door, while using my right hand to punch him in the face as many times as I could. Then I dived out of the car and got clear.
Two black eyes and a broken nose. That's what you get for picking the absolute worst guy to carjack. The cops were nice enough to give me a ride back to do my little statement. Those Camaros are really cramped inside, but they look fun to drive. Especially if you get to use the lights and siren. The cop asked me where I learned to drive like that, and laughed when I told him.
Lisa picked me up at the trooper's barracks. She even surprised me by bringing the Skyline. I didn't think I'd be in a mood to drive again, but...hot damn, I was! Skylines and pretty girls will do that to a guy.
My boss wanted to know only two things: One, was his lead seller okay to come to work tomorrow? Two, was the car okay? The car was fine, I just managed to smoke all the tires off. Not an enormous problem.
In other news, the Skyline now features a bumpin` soundsystem and a GT-style wing. I forgot how much I love downforce. I'm also going to slip on some tasteful carbon-fiber front splitters. I don't want to disrupt the R34's clean lines too much. The soundsystem install is kinda rough...just a box enclosure and concealed wiring. In summer, I'll replace all the interior upholstery, redo the dashboard and all the seats, and do a really nice integrated enclosure to house the subs and the amps, probably featuring either a coating of black-gloss fiberglass or carbon-fiber weave. And I'll remove the rear seats and cover an area back there with smooth black plastic for use as a cargo area.
Goddamn stupid people. I need a beer.
posted by Jack Red at 1:32 AM
1 Comments:
Man, that's a pretty shitty experience if you ask me, thank god you're alright.
BTW, I've sorted out the dodgy noises coming out from my engine. Apparently it just needed an engine oil top up, it was fucking dry in there.
That also means my piston rings are really in bad condition. Last time I topped up was about 6 months ago I think. Quite bad oil consumption huh?
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home